(An ocean. Birds are flying and porpoises are swimming happily. From the fog a ship appears crashing through the waves)

Sailors: I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue

And it's hey to the starboard, heave ho

Look out, lad, a mermaid be waitin' for you

In mysterious fathoms below.

Eric: Isn't this great? The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face . . . a perfect day to be at sea!

Grimsby: (Leaning over side.) Oh yes . . . delightful . . . .

Sailor 1: A fine strong wind and a following sea. King Triton must be in a friendly-type mood.

Eric: King Triton?

Sailor 2: Why, ruler of the merpeople, lad. Thought every good sailor knew about him.

Grimsby: Merpeople! Eric, pay no attention to this nautical nonsense.

Sailor 2: But it ain't nonsense, it's the truth! I'm tellin' you, down in the depths o' the ocean they live. (He gestures wildly, Fish in his hand flops away and lands back in the ocean, relieved.)

Sailors: Heave. ho. Heave, ho. In mysterious fathoms below. (Fish sighs and swims away.)

(Titles. Various fish swimming. Merpeople converge on a great undersea palace, filling concert hall inside. Fanfare ensues.)

Seahorse: Ahem . . . His royal highness, King Triton! (Triton enters dramatically to wild cheering.) And presenting the distinguished court composer, Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian! (Sebastian enters to mild applause.)

Triton: I'm really looking forward to this performance, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Oh, Your Majesty, this will be the finest concert I have ever conducted. Your daughters - they will be spectacular!

Triton: Yes, and especially my little Ariel.

Sebastian: Yes, yes, she has the most beautiful voice. . . . [sotto] If only she'd show up for rehearsals once in a while. . . . (He proceeds to podium and begins to direct orchestra.)

Triton's daughters: Ah, we are the daughters of Triton.

Great father who loves us and named us well:

Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, Allana.

And then there is the youngest in her musical debut,

Our seventh little sister, we're presenting her to you,

To sing a song Sebastian wrote, her voice is like a bell,

She's our sister, Ar-i . . .

(Shell opens to reveal that Ariel is absent.)

Triton: (Very angry.) Ariel!!

(Cut to Ariel looking at sunken ship.)

Flounder: (From distance.) Ariel, wait for me . . .

Ariel: Flounder, hurry up!

Flounder: (Catching up.) You know I can't swim that fast.

Ariel: There it is. Isn't it fantastic?

Flounder: Yeah . . . sure . . . it - it's great. Now let's get outta here.

Ariel: You're not getting cold fins now, are you?

Flounder: Who, me? No way. It's just, it, err . . . it looks - damp in there.

Yeah. And I think I may be coming down with something. Yeah, I've got this cough. (Flounder coughs unconvincingly)

Ariel: All right. I'm going inside. You can just stay here and - watch for sharks. (She goes inside.)

Flounder: O.K. Yeah - you go. I'll stay and - what? Sharks! Ariel! (He tries to fit through porthole.) Ariel . . . I can't . . . I mean - Ariel help!

Ariel: (Laughs.) Oh, Flounder.

Flounder: (Whispering.)Ariel, do you really think there might be sharks around here? (Shark passes outside.)

Ariel: Flounder, don't be such a guppy.

Flounder: I'm not a guppy. (Gets pulled through porthole.)This is great - I mean, I really love this. Excitement, adventure, danger lurking around every corn- YAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Ariel!! (He sees a skull, crashes into pillar causing cave in, and swims frantically away, knocking over Ariel.)

Ariel: Oh, are you okay?

Flounder: Yeah sure, no problem, I'm okay . . .

Ariel: Shhh . . . (Seeing a fork.) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Have you ever seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?

Flounder: Wow, cool! But, err, what is it?

Ariel: I don't know. But I bet Scuttle will. (Puts fork in bag. Skark swims by outside.)

Flounder: What was that? Did you hear something?

Ariel: (Distracted by pipe.) Hmm, I wonder what this one is?

Flounder: Ariel . .

Ariel: Flounder, will you relax. Nothing is going to happen.

Flounder: (Seeing Shark looming behind him.) AAHHHH!! Run!! Run!! We're gonna die!! (Shark chases them all around. Ariel's bag is hung up. She goes back for it. Shark almost gets them. They head for porthole.) Oh No!!

(They crash through and go round and round. Flounder gets knocked silly but Ariel saves him and traps Shark) You big bully. THBBBTTTT . . . (Shark snaps at him and he swims away.)

Ariel: (Laughing.) Flounder, you really are a guppy.

Flounder: I am not.

(On surface. Scuttle on his island humming and looking through his telescope.)

Ariel: Scuttle!

Scuttle: (Looking through the telescope the wrong way, shouting.) Whoa! Mermaid off the port bow! Ariel, how you doin' kid? (Lowers telescope to reveal Ariel at wing's length.) Whoa, what a swim!

Ariel: Scuttle - look what we found.

Flounder: Yeah - we were in this sunken ship - it was really creepy.

Scuttle: Human stuff, huh? Hey, lemme see. (Picks up fork.) Look at this. Wow - this is special - this is very, very unusual.

Ariel: What? What is it?

Scuttle: It's a dinglehopper! Humans use these little babies . . . to straighten their hair out. See - just a little twirl here an' a yank there and - voiolay! You got an aesthetically pleasing configuration of hair that humans go nuts over!

Ariel: A dinglehopper!

Flounder: What about that one?

Scuttle: (Holding pipe) Ah - this I haven't seen in years. This is wonderful! A banded, bulbous - snarfblat.

Ariel and Flounder: Oohhh.

Scuttle: Now, the snarfblat dates back to prehistorical times, when humans used to sit around, and stare at each other all day. Got very boring. So, they invented the snarfblat to make fine music. Allow me. (Scuttle blows into the pipe; seaweed pops out the other end.)

Ariel: Music? Oh, the concert! Oh my gosh, my father's gonna kill me!

Flounder: The concert was today?

Scuttle: (Still contemplating pipe.) Maybe you could make a little planter out of it or somethin'.

Ariel: Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Thank you Scuttle. (Waves.)

Scuttle: Anytime sweetie, anytime.

(Cut to Flotsam and Jetsam, then Ursula in background watching magic projection of Ariel swimming.)

Ursula: Yeeeeeees, hurry home, princess. We wouldn't want to miss old daddy's celebration, now, would we? Huh! Celebration indeed. Bah! In MY day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing - banished and exiled and practically starving, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate. Well, I'll give 'em something to celebrate soon enough. Flotsam! Jetsam! I want you to keep an extra close watch on this pretty little daughter of his. She may be the key to Triton's undoing. . . .

(Fade to the palace throne room where Ariel is being admonished.)

Triton: I just don't know what we're going to do with you, young lady.

Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry, I just forgot, I -

Triton: As a result of your careless behaviour -

Sebastian: Careless and reckless behaviour!

Triton: - the entire celebration was, er -

Sebastian: Well, it was ruined! That's all. Completely destroyed! This concert was to be the pinnacle of my distinguished career. Now thanks to you I am the laughing stock of the entire kingdom!

Flounder: But it wasn't her fault! Ah - well - first, ahh, this shark chased us - yeah - yeah! And we tried to - but we couldn't - and - grrrrrrrrr - and - and we - whoooaaaaaa - oh, and then we were safe. But then this seagull came, and it was this is this, and that is that, and -

Triton: Seagull? What? Oh - you went up to the surface again, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?

Ariel: Nothing - happened. . . .

Triton: Oh, Ariel, How many times must we go through this? You could've been seen by one of those barbarians - by - by one of those humans!

Ariel: Daddy, they're not barbarians!

Triton: They're dangerous. Do you think I want to see my youngest daughter snared by some fish-eater's hook?

Ariel: I'm sixteen years old - I'm not a child anymore -

Triton: Don't you take that tone of voice with me young lady. As long as you live under my ocean, you'll obey my rules!

Ariel: But if you would just listen -

Triton: Not another word - and I am never, NEVER to hear of you going to the surface again. Is that clear? (Ariel leaves, crying.)

Sebastian: Hm! Teenagers. . . . They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.

Triton: Do you, er, think I - I was too hard on her?

Sebastian: Definitely not. Why, if Ariel was my daughter, I'd show her who was boss. None of this "flitting to the surface" and other such nonsense. No, sir - I'd keep her under tight control.

Triton: You're absolutely right, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Of course.

Triton: Ariel needs constant supervision.

Sebastian: Constant.

Triton: Someone to watch over her - to keep her out of trouble.

Sebastian: All the time -

Triton: And YOU are just the crab to do it.

(Cut to Sebastian walking down corridor.)

Sebastian: How do I get myself into these situations? I should be writing symphonies - not tagging along after some headstrong teenager. (Sees Ariel and Flounder sneaking off and follows.) Hmm? What is that girl up to? (He barely makes it into cave and sees Ariel's collection.) Huh?

Flounder: Ariel, are you okay?

Ariel: If only I could make him understand. I just don't see things the way he does. I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things - could be bad.



Look at this stuff

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who has ev'rything?

Look at this trove

Treasures untold

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

Lookin' around here you'd think

Sure, she's got everything



I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty

I've got whozits and whatzits galore

(You want thingamabobs?

I got twenty)

But who cares?

No big deal

I want more

I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see

Wanna see 'em dancin'

Walkin' around on those

(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet

Flippin' your fins you don't get too far

Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'

Strollin' along down a

(What's that word again?) street

Up where they walk

Up where they run

Up where they stay all day in the sun

Wanderin' free

Wish I could be

Part of that world



What would I give

If I could live

Outta these waters?

What would I pay

To spend a day

Warm on the sand?

Betcha on land

They understand

Bet they don't reprimand their daughters

Bright young women

Sick o' swimmin'

Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know

Ask 'em my questions

And get some answers

What's a fire and why does it

(What's the word?) burn?

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love

Love to explore that shore above?

Out of the sea

Wish I could be

Part of that world



(Sebastian has been struggling around and now comes crashing down making a lot of noise.)

Ariel: Sebastian!?

Sebastian: Ariel - what, are you mad? How could you - what is all this?

Ariel: It, err, it's just my - collection. . . .

Sebastian: Oh. I see. Your collection. Hmmm. IF YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT THIS PLACE HE'D -

Flounder: You're not gonna tell him, are you?

Ariel: Oh, please, Sebastian, he would never understand.

Sebastian: Ariel. You're under a lot of pressure down here. Come with me, I'll take you home and get you something warm to drink. (A ship passes by overhead.)

Ariel: What do you suppose?. . .

Sebastian: Ariel? Ariel!

(On surface. Fireworks in the sky around ship. Ariel looks on, amazed. Sebastian and Flounder arrive.)

Sebastian: Ariel, what - what are you- jumpin' jellyfish! Ariel, Ariel! Please come back! (Ariel swims to ship and watches party until Max finds her.)

Eric: (Whistles.) Max, here boy. Hey, come on, mutt, whatcha doing, huh Max? Good boy. (Ariel sees him and is stricken.)

Scuttle: Hey there, sweetie! Quite a show, eh?

Ariel: Scuttle, be quiet! They'll hear you.

Scuttle: Oooh, I gotcha, I gotcha. We're being intrepidatious. WE'RE OUT TO DISCOVER! (Ariel grabs his beak.)

Ariel: I've never seen a human this close before. Oh - he's very handsome, isn't he?

Scuttle: (Looking at Max) I dunno, he looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.

Ariel: Not that one - the one playing the snarfblat.

Grimsby: Silence! Silence! It is now my honour and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Eric with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.

Eric: Ah, Grimsby - y'old beanpole, you shouldn't have.

Grimsby: I know. Happy birthday, Eric! (Large, gaudy statue of Eric is revealed. Max growls.)

Eric: Gee, Grim. It's, err, it's, err - it's really somethin'. . . .

Grimsby: Yes, I commissioned it myself. Of course, I had hoped it would be a wedding present, but . . .

Eric: Come on, Grim, don't start. Look, you're not still sore because I didn't fall for the princess of Glauerhaven, are you?

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, it isn't me alone. The entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right girl.

Eric: Well, she's out there somewhere. I just - I just haven't found her yet.

Grimsby: Well, perhaps you haven't been looking hard enough.

Eric: Believe me, Grim, when I find her I'll know - without a doubt. It'll just - bam! - hit me - like lightning. (Lightning and thunder appear and the sky grows dark.)

Sailor: Hurricane a'commin'!! Stand fast! Secure the riggin'! (Storm hits.)

Scuttle: Whoa! The wind's all of a sudden on the move here. (He is blown away.) Oh! Ariel . . . (Ship crashes through storm. Lightning starts a fire. A rock looms ahead.)

Eric: Look out! . . . (Ship crashes and all are thrown overboard except Max.) Grim, hang on! (Sees Max.) Max! (Goes back to save him.) Jump Max! Come on boy, jump! You can do it Max. (He saves Max but is trapped on board.)

Grimsby: ERIC! (Ship explodes. Ariel finds Eric near drowning and pulls him away.)

(On beach. Ariel is sitting next to an unconscious Eric.)

Ariel: Is he - dead?

Scuttle: (Opens Eric's eyelid.) It's hard to say. (Puts his ear against Eric's foot.) Oh, I - I can't make out a heartbeat.

Ariel: No, look! He's breathing. He's so, beautiful.



What would I give

To live where you are?

What would I pay

To stay here beside you?

What would I do to see you

Smiling at me?

Where would we walk?

Where would we run?

If we could stay all day in the sun?

Just you and me

And I could be

Part of your world

(Sebastian and Flounder have washed up and are watching scene. Max and Grimsby approach. Ariel hurries away.)

Grimsby: Eric! Oh, Eric. You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don't you?

Eric: A girl - rescued me. . . . She was - singing . . . she had the most - beautiful voice.

Grimsby: Ah, Eric, I think you've swallowed a bit too much seawater. Off we go. Come on, Max.

Sebastian: We just gotta forget this whole thing ever happened. The sea king will never know. You won't tell him, I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece.

Ariel:

I don't know when

I don't know how

But I know something's starting right now

Watch and you'll see

Some day I'll be

Part of your world

(Flotsam and Jetsam appear. Fade to Ursula watching from her chamber.)

Ursula: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't stand it - it's too easy. The child is in love with a human. And not just any human - a prince! Her daddy'll LOVE that. King Triton's headstrong, lovesick girl would make a charming addition to my little garden.

(Fade to palace. Then sister's dressing room.)

Andrina: Ariel, dear, time to come out. You've been in there all morning.

(Ariel emerges, singing to herself.)

Atina: What is with her lately?

Ariel: Morning, Daddy. (Ariel swims off.)

Atina: Oh, she's got it bad.

Triton: What? What has she got?

Andrina: Isn't it obvious, Daddy? Ariel's in love.

Triton: Ariel? In love?

(Cut to Sebastian pacing on rock outside.)

Sebastian: O.K. So far, so good. I don't think the king knows. But it will not be easy keeping something like this a secret for long.

Ariel: (Picking petals off a flower) He loves me . . . hmmm, he loves me not. . . . He loves me! I knew it!

Sebastian: Ariel, stop talking crazy.

Ariel: I gotta see him again - tonight! Scuttle knows where he lives.

Sebastian: Ariel - please. Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?

Ariel: I'll swim up to his castle. Then Flounder will splash around to get his attention, and then with -

Sebastian: Down HERE is your home! Ariel - listen to me. The human world - it's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there.



The seaweed is always greener

In somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there

But that is a big mistake

Just look at the world around you

Right here on the ocean floor

Such wonderful things surround you

What more is you lookin' for?



Under the sea

Under the sea

Darling it's better

Down where it's wetter

Take it from me

Up on the shore they work all day

Out in the sun they slave away

While we devotin'

Full time to floatin'

Under the sea

Down here all the fish is happy

As off through the waves they roll

The fish on the land ain't happy

They sad 'cause they in their bowl

But fish in the bowl is lucky

They in for a worser fate

One day when the boss get hungry

Guess who's gon' be on the plate

Under the sea

Under the sea

Nobody beat us

Fry us and eat us

In fricassee

We what the land folks loves to cook

Under the sea we off the hook

We got no troubles

Life is the bubbles

Under the sea

Under the sea

Since life is sweet here

We got the beat here

Naturally

Even the sturgeon an' the ray

They get the urge 'n' start to play

We got the spirit

You got to hear it

Under the sea

The newt play the flute

The carp play the harp

The plaice play the bass

And they soundin' sharp

The bass play the brass

The chub play the tub

The fluke is the duke of soul

(Yeah)

The ray he can play

The lings on the strings

The trout rockin' out

The blackfish she sings

The smelt and the sprat

They know where it's at

An' oh that blowfish blow

Under the sea

Under the sea

When the sardine

Begin the beguine

It's music to me

What do they got? A lot of sand

We got a hot crustacean band

Each little clam here

know how to jam here

Under the sea

Each little slug here

Cuttin' a rug here

Under the sea

Each little snail here

Know how to wail here

That's why it's hotter

Under the water

Ya we in luck here

Down in the muck here

Under the sea



(They discover that Ariel has left with Flounder.)

Ariel? Ariel? Oh . . . somebody's got to nail that girl's fins to the floor.

Seahorse: Sebastian! Sebastian, I've been looking all over for you. I've got an urgent message from the sea king.

Sebastian: The sea king?

Seahorse: He wants to see you right away - something about Ariel.

Sebastian: He knows!

(In palace throne room. Triton looking at flower.)

Triton: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be? (Notices Sebastian.) Come in, Sebastian.

Sebastian: (Sotto) I mustn't overreact. I must remain calm. (Five octaves higher than normal) Yes - (loco) yes, Your Majesty.

Triton: Now, Sebastian, I'm concerned about Ariel. Have you noticed she's been acting peculiar lately?

Sebastian: Peculiar?

Triton: You know, moaning about, daydreaming, singing to herself. . . . You haven't noticed, hmm?

Sebastian: Oh - well, I -

Triton: Sebastian. . . .

Sebastian: Hmmm?

Triton: I know you've been keeping something from me. . . .

Sebastian: Keeping . . . something?

Triton: About Ariel?

Sebastian: Ariel . . . ?

Triton: In love?

Sebastian: I tried to stop her, sir. She wouldn't listen. I told her to stay away from humans - they are bad, they are trouble, they -

Triton: Humans? WHAT ABOUT HUMANS?

Sebastian: Humans? Ho ho ho ho. . . . Who said anything about humans?

(Fade to Ariel and Flounder entering cave.)

Ariel: Flounder, why can't you just tell me what this is all about?

Flounder: You'll see. It's a suprise.

Ariel: (Sees statue of Eric.) Oh, Flounder- Flounder you're the best! it looks just like him. It even has his eyes. "Why, Eric, run away with you? This is all so - so sudden. . . . (Turns around and sees Triton.) Daddy! . . .

Triton: I consider myself a reasonable merman. I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed.

Ariel: But Daddy!-

Triton: Is it true you rescued a human from drowing?

Ariel: Daddy, I had to-

Triton: Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!

Ariel: He would have died-

Triton: One less human to worry about!

Ariel: You don't even know him.

Triton: Know him? I don't have to know him. They're all the same. Spineless, savage, harpooning, fish-eaters, incapable of any feeling-

Ariel: Daddy, I love him!

Triton: No . . . Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!

Ariel: I don't care.

Triton: So help me Ariel, I am going to get through to you. And if this is the only way, so be it. (Begins to blast the artifacts with his trident.)

Ariel: Daddy!. . . No . . . No, please- Daddy, stop!. . . Daddy, Nooo!!. . .

(He blasts statue. Ariel begins crying and he leaves, ashamed.)

Sebastian: Ariel, I . . .

Ariel: (Still crying.) Just go away. (He leaves and Flotsan and Jetsam appear.)

Flotsam: Poor child.

Jetsam: Poor, sweet child.

Flotsam: She has a very serious problem

Jetsam: If only there were something we could do.

Flotsam: But there is something.

Ariel: Who - who are you?

Jetsam: Don't be scared.

Flotsam: We represent someone who can help you.

Jetsam: Someone who could make all your dreams come true.

Flotsam and Jetsam: Just imagine -

Jetsam: You and your prince -

Flotsam and Jetsam: Together, forever. . . .

Ariel: I don't understand.

Jetsam: Ursula has great powers

Ariel: The sea witch? Why, that's - I couldn't possibly - no! Get out of here! Leave me alone!

Flotsam: Suit yourself.

Jetsam: It was only a suggestion.

[Jetsam flicks the statue's broken face towards Ariel.]

Ariel: [Looking at the face] Wait.

Flotsam and Jetsam: Yeeeeeeeeeess?

(Cut to outside of cave with Flounder and Sebastian.)

Flounder: (snif) Poor Ariel.

Sebastian: I didn't mean to tell, it was an accident. (Ariel passes by.) Ariel - where are you going? Ariel, what are you doing here with this riff-raff?

Ariel: I'm going to see Ursula.

Sebastian: Ariel, no! No, she's a demon, she's a monster!

Ariel: Why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that.

Sebastian: But . . . But, I . . . (To Flounder.) Come on. (They travel towards Ursula's cavern.)

Flotsam and Jetsam: This way. (Ariel enters and is hung up in the garden of souls.)

Ursula: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing. . . . Now, then. You're here because you have a thing for this human. This, er, prince fellow. Not that I blame you - he is quite a catch, isn't he? Well, angel fish, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want - is to become a human yourself.

Ariel: Can you DO that?

Ursula: My dear, sweet child. That's what I do - it's what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk - like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.



I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light and made a switch

True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely and depressed

(Pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls

In pain

In need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad

So true

They come flocking to my cauldron

Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"

And I help them?

Yes, I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

e="3">Yes, I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls



Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days. Got that? Three days. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you. Not just any kiss - the kiss of true love. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you'll remain human, permanently, but - if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and - you belong to me.

Sebastian: No Ariel! (He is silenced by Flotsam and Jetsam.)

Ursula: Have we got a deal?

Ariel: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.

Ursula: That's right. . . . But - you'll have your man. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh - and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know.

Ariel: But I don't have any -

Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is . . . your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

Ursula: You've got it, sweetcakes. No more talking, singing, zip.

Ariel: But without my voice, how can I -

Ursula: You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!



The men up there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a girl who gossips is a bore

Yes, on land it's much preferred

For ladies not to say a word

And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?



Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation

True gentlemen avoid it when they can

But they dote and swoon and fawn

On a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy woman

And I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad

But true

If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet

You've got to pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll!

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've gother, boys

The boss is on a roll

This poor unfortunate soul.



(Ariel signs contract.)

Paluga, sarruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea.

Now rings us glossitis and max laryngitis,

La voce to me!

Now . . . sing!

Ariel: (Sings.)

Ursula: Keep singing! (Giant magical hands rip out Ariel's voice and give it to

Ursula. She laughs as Ariel is changed into a human and rushed to the surface by Flounder and Sebastian.)

(Fade to beach. Eric and Max are walking near castle.)

Eric: (Playing flute.) That voice. I can't get it out of my head. I've looked everywhere, Max - where could she be? (On other side of rocks Ariel is washed up. Sebastian and Flounder are exausted. Ariel sees her legs and is amazed.)

Scuttle: Well, look at what the catfish dragged in! Look at ya! Look at ya! There's something different. Don't tell me - I got it. It's your hairdo, right? You've been using the dinglehopper, right? No? No huh, well let me see. New . . . seashells? No new seashells. I gotta admit I can't put my foot on it right now, but if I just stand here long enough I know that I'll -

Sebastian: SHE'S GOT LEGS, YOU IDIOT! She traded her voice to the sea witch and got legs. Jeez, man . . .

Scuttle: I knew that.

Flounder: Ariel's been turned into a human. She's gotta make the prince fall in love with her, and he's gotta ki- he's gotta kiss her. (Ariel tries to get up.)

Sebastian: And she's only got three days. Just look at her. On legs. On human legs! My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father'd say, he'd say he's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'd say! I'm gonna march meself straight home right now and tell him just like I shoulda done de minute- (Ariel grabs him.) . . . and don't you shake your head at me, young lady. Maybe there's still time. If we could get that witch to give you back your voice, you could go home with all the normal fish, and just be . . . just be . . . just be miserable for the rest of your life. All right, all right. I'll try to help you find that prince. Boy. What a soft-shell I'm turning out to be.

Scuttle: Now, Ariel, I'm tellin' ya, if you wanna be a human the first thing you gotta do is dress like one. Now lemme see.

(Cut to Eric and Max. Max smells Ariel and gets excited.)

Eric: Max? Huh . . . what, Max!

Scuttle: (Whistles.) Ya look great kid. Ya look - sensational. (They hear Max. He arrives and chases Ariel up on a rock.)

Eric: Max . . . Max - Quiet Max! What's gotten into you fella? (Sees Ariel.) Oh . . . Oh, I see. Are you O.K., miss? I'm sorry if this knucklehead scared you. He's harmless, really - . . . you . . . seem very familiar . . . to me. Have we met? We have met? I knew it! You're the one - the one I've been looking for! What's your name? (Ariel mouths "Ariel" but no words come out.) What's wrong? What is it? You can't speak? (Ariel shakes her head.) Oh. Then you couldn't be who I thought. (Ariel and Max look frustrated. She tries pantomime.) What is it? You're hurt? No, No . . . You need help. (She falls into him.) Whoa, whoa, careful - careful - easy. Gee, you must have really been through something. Don't worry, I'll help you. Come on . . . Come on, you'll be okay.

(Fade to Ariel in bath playing with bubbles.)

Carlotta: Washed up from a shipwreck. Oh, the poor thing. We'll have you feeling better in no time. [Picks up Ariel's "dress"] I'll just - I'll just get this washed for you.

(Cut to Sebastian in dress getting washed.)

Woman 1: Well you must have at least heard about this girl.

Woman 2: Well, Gretchen says . . . (Sebastian is dunked.) . . . since when has Gretchen got anything right. I mean really, this girl shows up in rags and doesn't speak-

Sebastian: Madame, please ! . . .

Woman 2: . . . not my idea of a princess. If Eric's looking for a girl, I know a couple of highly available ones right here . . . (Sebastian dives into kitchen and sees various fish cooking. He faints.)

(Cut to castle dining room.)

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, be reasonable. Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -

Eric: I'm tellin' you, Grim, she was REAL! I'm gonna find that girl - and I'm gonna marry her.

Carlotta: Ha Ha. Come on honey. Don't be shy. (Ariel enteres in a beautiful dress.)

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, isn't she a vision?

Eric: You look - wonderful.

Grimsby: Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy? Uh. It's - It's not ofen that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh Eric? (Ariel starts combing hair with a fork. They look dumbfounded and she is embarrased. She sees pipe and brightens.) Uh, do you like it? It is rather - fine . . . (She blows its contents into his face. Eric laughs.)

Carlotta: Oh, my!

Eric: Ahem, so sorry Grim.

Carlotta: Why, Eric, that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks.

Grimsby: (Wiping his face.) Oh, very amusing. Carlotta, my dear, what's for dinner?

Carlotta: Oooh, you're gonna love it. Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed crab.

(Cut to Sebastian watching Louis cook. He is humming to himself.)

Louis:

Les poissons

Les poissons

How I love les poissons

Love to chop

And to serve little fish

First I cut off their heads

Then I pull out the bones

Ah mais oui

Ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons

Les poissons

Hee hee hee

Hah hah hah

With the cleaver I hack them in two

I pull out what's inside

And I serve it up fried

God, I love little fishes

Don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate

Prepared in the classic technique

First you pound the fish flat with a mallet

Then you slash through the skin

Give the belly a slice

Then you rub some salt in

'Cause that makes it taste nice

Zut alors, I have missed one!



Sacre bleu

What is this?

How on earth could I miss

Such a sweet little succulent crab?

Quel dommage

What a loss

Here we go in the sauce

Now some flour, I think

Just a dab

Now I stuff you with bread

It don't hurt 'cause you're dead

And you're certainly lucky you are

'Cause it's gonna be hot

In my big silver pot

Toodle loo mon poisson

Au revoir!



(Sebastian hops back and Louis grabs him again.) What is this? (Sebastian pinches his nose and a battle ensues. Louis knocks over a large cabinet.)

(Cut to dining room. Huge crash is heard.)

Carlotta: I think I'd better go see what Louis is up to.

(Back to kitchen. Louis is trashing the place.)

Louis: Come out you little pipsqueak and fight like a man!

Carlotta: Louis! What are you doing?

Louis: Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, madame.

(Cut back to dining room.)

Grimsby: You know, Eric, perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?

Eric: I'm sorry, Grim, what was that?

Grimsby: You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. (Grimsby lifts his plate's cover to reveal Sebastian cowering in the salad.) Get your mind off -

Eric: Easy, Grim, Easy. (Ariel lifts her own plate cover and signals for Sebastian to hide there. Sebastian rushes across while no one is looking.)

It's not a bad idea. If she's interested. Well - whaddaya say? Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?

(Ariel nods vigorously, leaning heavily on her plate's cover.)

Grimsby: Wonderful, now let's eat, before this crab wanders off my plate.

(Fade to Ariel watching Eric and Max from balcony.)

Eric: Come here boy! . . . Arrr . . . (He sees Ariel and waves. She is embarassed and goes back inside.)

Sebastian: This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life. I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady. Now - we got to make a plan to get that boy to kiss you. Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best. You gotta bat your eyes - like this. You gotta pucker up your lips - like this. (He sees she is asleep.) Hm. You are hopeless child. You know dat? Completely hopeless . . .

(Fade to undersea palace. Seahorse swims up to Triton.)

Triton: Any sign of them?

Seahorse: No, Your Majesty. We've searched everywhere. We've found no trace of your daughter - or Sebastian.

Triton: Well, keep looking. Leave no shell unturned, no coral unexplored. Let no one in this kingdom sleep until she's safe at home.

Seahorse: Yes sire. (He leaves.)

Triton: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?

(Morning at castle. Ariel and Eric leave for their tour. Ariel is amazed by everything.)

Flounder: (As they pass water.) Has he kissed her yet?

Sebastian: Not yet.

Flounder: Ohh . . . (Ariel and Eric go dancing and see the town.)

Scuttle: Yo, Flounder! Any kissing?

Flounder: No, not yet.

Scuttle: Hmm. Well they - they better get crackin'. (They leave town and Ariel drives, almost crashing. They end up rowing on a still lagoon in the evening.)

Flounder: Move over - move your big feathers. I can't see a thing.

Scuttle: Nothing is happening. . . . Only one day left, and that boy ain't puckered up once. O.K. All right, this calls for a little vocal romantic stimulation. Stand back. (He flies over and sings very badly.)

Eric: Wow. Somebody should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery.

Sebastian: Jeez, man, I'm surrounded by amateurs! You want something done, you've got to do it yourself. First, we got to create the mood. Percussion. . . . Strings. . . . Winds. . . . Words. . . .



There you see her

Sitting there across the way

She don't got a lot to say

But there's something about her

And you don't know why

But you're dying to try

You wanna kiss the girl



Eric: Did you hear something?

Sebastian:

Yes, you want her

Look at her, you know you do

Possible she wants you too

There is one way to ask her

It don't take a word

Not a single word

Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

My oh my

Look like the boy too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Ain't that sad?

Ain't it a shame?

Too bad, he gonna miss the girl



Eric: You know, I feel really bad not knowing your name. Heh - maybe I could guess. Is it, err, Mildred? O.K., no. How 'bout - Diana? Rachel?

Sebastian: Ariel. Her name is Ariel.

Eric: Ariel? Ariel? Well, that's kinda pretty. O.K. - Ariel. . .

Sebastian:

Now's your moment

Floating in a blue lagoon

Boy you better do it soon

No time will be better

She don't say a word

And she won't say a word

Until you kiss the girl



Sha la la la la la

Don't be scared

You got the mood prepared

Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Don't stop now

Don't try to hide it how

You want to kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Float along

And listen to the song

The song say kiss the girl

Sha la la la la

The music play

Do what the music say

You got to kiss the girl

You've got to kiss the girl

You wanna kiss the girl

You've gotta kiss the girl

Go on and kiss the girl



(The boat tips over.)

Eric: Whoa, hang on - I've gotcha. (Flotsam and Jetsam congradulate each other.)

(Cut to Ursula's cavern.)

Ursula: Nice work, boys. That was a close one. Too close. The little tramp! Oh, she's better than I thought. At this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset for sure. Well, it's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles! Triton's daughter will be mine - and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! (Laughing, she transforms into a human with Ariel's voice.)

(Fade to castle at night. Eric is playing the flute and contemplating as Grimsby approaches.)

Grimsby: Eric, if I may say, far better than any dream girl, is one of flesh and blood, one warm and caring, and right before your eyes. (He sees Ariel, sighs, and tosses away flute. He is distracted by Ursula/Vanessa singing with Ariel's voice and is placed under her spell.)

(Scuttle flying toward castle in morning.)

Scuttle: Ariel! Ariel, wake up! Wake up! I just heard the news. Congratulations, kiddo, we did it!

Sebastian: What is this idiot babbling about?

Scuttle: Right - as if you two didn't know, uh? The whole town's buzzin' about the prince gettin' himself hitched this afternoon! You know, he's getting married! You silly sidewalker! I just wanted to wish you luck. I'll catch you later, I wouldn't miss it! (Ariel brightens and runs downstairs, only to see Eric and Vanessa together.)

Grimsby: Well, uh - err, Eric. I-it appears that I was mistaken. This mystery maiden of yours does - in fact exist. And - and she is lovely. Congratulations, my dear.

Eric: We wish to be married as soon as possible.

Grimsby: Oh, yes - of course, Eric, but, er - but these things do take time, you know. . . .

Eric: This afternoon, Grimsby. The wedding ship departs at sunset.

Grimsby: Oh, oh - very well, Eric - as you wish. (Ariel runs off crying.)

(Cut to late afternoon as wedding ship starts to leave. Ariel on pier crying bitterly as Sebastian and Flounder look on.)

(Cut to Scuttle flying and humming to himself.)

Vanessa: What a lovely little bride I'll make, my dear I'll look divine

Things are working out according to my ultimate design

Soon I'll have that little mermaid and the ocean will be mine!

Scuttle: (Seeing real Ursula in mirror.) The sea witch! Oh no . . . She's-

I gotta. . . (Runs into side of ship. Flies off to find Ariel.) Ariel!

Ariel! Ariel. I was flying, I wa - of course I was flying - An' - I s- I

saw that the watch - the witch was watchin' a mirror, and she was singin'

with a stolen set o' pipes! Do you hear what I'm tellin' you? THE PRINCE

IS MARRYING THE SEA WITCH IN DISGUISE!

Sebastian: Are you sure about this?

Scuttle: Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!

Flounder: What are we gonna do!? (Ariel hears Ursula's voice in her head as the

sun drops.)

Ursula: . . . Before the sun sets on the third day. . . . (Ariel jumps in water

but can't swim well. Sebastian sends down some barrels.)

Sebastian: Ariel, grab on to that. Flounder, get her to that boat as fast as

your fins can carry you!

Flounder: I'll try.

Sebastian: I've gotta get to the sea king. He must know about this.

Scuttle: What - What about me? What about ME?

Sebastian: You - find a way to STALL THAT WEDDING!

Scuttle: Stall the wedding. Wh- what am I - what - that's it! (He flies off to

rally the animals and fish.) Move it, let's go, we got an emergency here!



(Cut to wedding in progress. Max growls at Vanessa but she kicks him.)



Priest: Dearly beloved . . . (Flounder is pulling Ariel toward ship.)

Flounder: Don't worry Ariel. ugh - we - we're gonna make it. We're almost

there.

Priest: Yes, um, do you Eric, take Vanessa, to be your lawfully wedded wife,

for as long as you both shall live?

Eric: (Under spell.) I do.

Priest: Eh, and do you . . . (Birds and animals swoop in for attack, causing

great chaos.) . . . then by the power inves-

Vanessa: Get away from me you slimy little- Oh, why you little- (In the

struggle, the shell holding Ariel's voice it broken and it goes back to her.

Eric comes out of the spell as she sings.)

Eric: Ariel?

Ariel: Eric.

Eric: You - you can talk. You're the one.

Vanessa: Eric, get away from her!

Eric: It - it was you all the time.

Ariel: Oh, Eric, I - I wanted to tell you.

Vanessa: ERIC NO! (The sun sets and Ariel becomes a mermaid.)

Ursula: You're too late! You're too late! So long, loverboy.

Eric: Ariel! (Ursula and Ariel go overboard.)

Ursula: Poor little princess - it's not you I'm after. I've a much bigger fish

to -

Triton: Ursula, stop!

Ursula: Why, King Triton! Ha ha ha - How ARE you?

Triton: Let her go.

Ursula: Not a chance, Triton! She's mine now. We made a deal.

Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry! I - I - I didn't mean to. I didn't know -

(Triton attacks the contract with a fierce blast from his trident, to no

avail.)

Ursula: You see? The contract's legal, binding and completely unbreakable -

even for YOU. Of course, I always was a girl with an eye for a bargain.

The daughter of the great sea king is a very precious commodity. But - I

might be willing to make an exchange for someone even better. . . .



(Cut to Eric rowing away from ship.)



Grimsby: Eric! What are you doing?

Eric: Grim, I lost her once. I'm not going to lose her again.



(Back to Ursula and Triton.)



Ursula: Now! Do we have a deal? (Triton signs contract.) Ha! It's done then.

(Ariel is released and Triton is withered as Ursula laughs.)

Ariel: No . . . Oh, No!

Sebastian: Oh, your majesty . . .

Ariel: Daddy? . . .

Ursula: (Picks up crown.) At last, it's mine. Ho, Ho . . .

Ariel: You - You monster!

Ursula: Don't fool with me you little brat! Contract or no- AAAAHH! (She is hit

with a harpoon thrown by Eric.) Why you little troll!

Ariel: Eric! Eric look out!

Ursula: After him! (Flotsam and Jetsam attack.)

Sebastian: Come on! . . .

Ursula: Say goodbye to your sweetheart. (Ariel makes her miss Eric and blast

Flotsam and Jetsam.) Babies! My poor, little poopsies!



(On surface as Ursula grows beneath.)



Ariel: Eric, you've got to get away from here.

Eric: No, I won't leave you.

Ursula: (Now very large.) You pitiful, insignificant, fool!

Eric: Look out!

Ursula: Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim!

The sea and all its spoils bow to my power! (She wrecks havoc, creates a

whirlpool and raises some shipwrecks.)

Ariel: ERIC! (He gets on board one of the ships as Ariel falls to the bottom

of the whirlpool. Ursula attempts to blast her.)

Ursula: (Laughing wickedly.) So much for true love! (As Ursula is about to

finish Ariel, Eric steers the ship into her. She is impaled and dies most

horribly. Eric collapses on the shore. The trident falls back to Triton and

everything reverts to normal.)



(Fade to morning with Eric on beach and Ariel watching from a distance.

Triton and Sebastian look on.)



Triton: She really does love him, doesn't she, Sebastian?

Sebastian: Well, it's like I always say, Your Majesty. Children got to be free

to lead their own lives.

Triton: You - always say that? (sighs) Then I guess there's just one problem

left.

Sebastian: And what's that, Your Majesty?

Triton: How much I'm going to miss her. (He turns her into a human and she goes

to meet Eric. They kiss which fades into kiss on wedding day. Everyone is

happy. Sebastian is attacked by Louis. He beats Louis up and returns to the

sea.)

Sebastian: Yes, Thank you, thank you. (Ariel and Triton hug.)

Ariel: I love you Daddy.



(Big finale while "Part of Your World" music plays. Ship sails off as

Ariel and Eric kiss.)



All: Now we can walk,

Now we can run,

Now we can stay all day in the sun.

Just you and me,

And I can be,

Part of your world.

THE END
ARIEL KATHRYN
(An ocean. Birds are flying and porpoises are swimming happily. From the fog a ship appears crashing through the waves)

Sailors: I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue

And it's hey to the starboard, heave ho

Look out, lad, a mermaid be waitin' for you

In mysterious fathoms below.

Eric: Isn't this great? The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face . . . a perfect day to be at sea!

Grimsby: (Leaning over side.) Oh yes . . . delightful . . . .

Sailor 1: A fine strong wind and a following sea. King Triton must be in a friendly-type mood.

Eric: King Triton?

Sailor 2: Why, ruler of the merpeople, lad. Thought every good sailor knew about him.

Grimsby: Merpeople! Eric, pay no attention to this nautical nonsense.

Sailor 2: But it ain't nonsense, it's the truth! I'm tellin' you, down in the depths o' the ocean they live. (He gestures wildly, Fish in his hand flops away and lands back in the ocean, relieved.)

Sailors: Heave. ho. Heave, ho. In mysterious fathoms below. (Fish sighs and swims away.)

(Titles. Various fish swimming. Merpeople converge on a great undersea palace, filling concert hall inside. Fanfare ensues.)

Seahorse: Ahem . . . His royal highness, King Triton! (Triton enters dramatically to wild cheering.) And presenting the distinguished court composer, Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian! (Sebastian enters to mild applause.)

Triton: I'm really looking forward to this performance, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Oh, Your Majesty, this will be the finest concert I have ever conducted. Your daughters - they will be spectacular!

Triton: Yes, and especially my little Ariel.

Sebastian: Yes, yes, she has the most beautiful voice. . . . [sotto] If only she'd show up for rehearsals once in a while. . . . (He proceeds to podium and begins to direct orchestra.)

Triton's daughters: Ah, we are the daughters of Triton.

Great father who loves us and named us well:

Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, Allana.

And then there is the youngest in her musical debut,

Our seventh little sister, we're presenting her to you,

To sing a song Sebastian wrote, her voice is like a bell,

She's our sister, Ar-i . . .

(Shell opens to reveal that Ariel is absent.)

Triton: (Very angry.) Ariel!!

(Cut to Ariel looking at sunken ship.)

Flounder: (From distance.) Ariel, wait for me . . .

Ariel: Flounder, hurry up!

Flounder: (Catching up.) You know I can't swim that fast.

Ariel: There it is. Isn't it fantastic?

Flounder: Yeah . . . sure . . . it - it's great. Now let's get outta here.

Ariel: You're not getting cold fins now, are you?

Flounder: Who, me? No way. It's just, it, err . . . it looks - damp in there.

Yeah. And I think I may be coming down with something. Yeah, I've got this cough. (Flounder coughs unconvincingly)

Ariel: All right. I'm going inside. You can just stay here and - watch for sharks. (She goes inside.)

Flounder: O.K. Yeah - you go. I'll stay and - what? Sharks! Ariel! (He tries to fit through porthole.) Ariel . . . I can't . . . I mean - Ariel help!

Ariel: (Laughs.) Oh, Flounder.

Flounder: (Whispering.)Ariel, do you really think there might be sharks around here? (Shark passes outside.)

Ariel: Flounder, don't be such a guppy.

Flounder: I'm not a guppy. (Gets pulled through porthole.)This is great - I mean, I really love this. Excitement, adventure, danger lurking around every corn- YAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Ariel!! (He sees a skull, crashes into pillar causing cave in, and swims frantically away, knocking over Ariel.)

Ariel: Oh, are you okay?

Flounder: Yeah sure, no problem, I'm okay . . .

Ariel: Shhh . . . (Seeing a fork.) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Have you ever seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?

Flounder: Wow, cool! But, err, what is it?

Ariel: I don't know. But I bet Scuttle will. (Puts fork in bag. Skark swims by outside.)

Flounder: What was that? Did you hear something?

Ariel: (Distracted by pipe.) Hmm, I wonder what this one is?

Flounder: Ariel . .

Ariel: Flounder, will you relax. Nothing is going to happen.

Flounder: (Seeing Shark looming behind him.) AAHHHH!! Run!! Run!! We're gonna die!! (Shark chases them all around. Ariel's bag is hung up. She goes back for it. Shark almost gets them. They head for porthole.) Oh No!!

(They crash through and go round and round. Flounder gets knocked silly but Ariel saves him and traps Shark) You big bully. THBBBTTTT . . . (Shark snaps at him and he swims away.)

Ariel: (Laughing.) Flounder, you really are a guppy.

Flounder: I am not.

(On surface. Scuttle on his island humming and looking through his telescope.)

Ariel: Scuttle!

Scuttle: (Looking through the telescope the wrong way, shouting.) Whoa! Mermaid off the port bow! Ariel, how you doin' kid? (Lowers telescope to reveal Ariel at wing's length.) Whoa, what a swim!

Ariel: Scuttle - look what we found.

Flounder: Yeah - we were in this sunken ship - it was really creepy.

Scuttle: Human stuff, huh? Hey, lemme see. (Picks up fork.) Look at this. Wow - this is special - this is very, very unusual.

Ariel: What? What is it?

Scuttle: It's a dinglehopper! Humans use these little babies . . . to straighten their hair out. See - just a little twirl here an' a yank there and - voiolay! You got an aesthetically pleasing configuration of hair that humans go nuts over!

Ariel: A dinglehopper!

Flounder: What about that one?

Scuttle: (Holding pipe) Ah - this I haven't seen in years. This is wonderful! A banded, bulbous - snarfblat.

Ariel and Flounder: Oohhh.

Scuttle: Now, the snarfblat dates back to prehistorical times, when humans used to sit around, and stare at each other all day. Got very boring. So, they invented the snarfblat to make fine music. Allow me. (Scuttle blows into the pipe; seaweed pops out the other end.)

Ariel: Music? Oh, the concert! Oh my gosh, my father's gonna kill me!

Flounder: The concert was today?

Scuttle: (Still contemplating pipe.) Maybe you could make a little planter out of it or somethin'.

Ariel: Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Thank you Scuttle. (Waves.)

Scuttle: Anytime sweetie, anytime.

(Cut to Flotsam and Jetsam, then Ursula in background watching magic projection of Ariel swimming.)

Ursula: Yeeeeeees, hurry home, princess. We wouldn't want to miss old daddy's celebration, now, would we? Huh! Celebration indeed. Bah! In MY day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing - banished and exiled and practically starving, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate. Well, I'll give 'em something to celebrate soon enough. Flotsam! Jetsam! I want you to keep an extra close watch on this pretty little daughter of his. She may be the key to Triton's undoing. . . .

(Fade to the palace throne room where Ariel is being admonished.)

Triton: I just don't know what we're going to do with you, young lady.

Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry, I just forgot, I -

Triton: As a result of your careless behaviour -

Sebastian: Careless and reckless behaviour!

Triton: - the entire celebration was, er -

Sebastian: Well, it was ruined! That's all. Completely destroyed! This concert was to be the pinnacle of my distinguished career. Now thanks to you I am the laughing stock of the entire kingdom!

Flounder: But it wasn't her fault! Ah - well - first, ahh, this shark chased us - yeah - yeah! And we tried to - but we couldn't - and - grrrrrrrrr - and - and we - whoooaaaaaa - oh, and then we were safe. But then this seagull came, and it was this is this, and that is that, and -

Triton: Seagull? What? Oh - you went up to the surface again, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?

Ariel: Nothing - happened. . . .

Triton: Oh, Ariel, How many times must we go through this? You could've been seen by one of those barbarians - by - by one of those humans!

Ariel: Daddy, they're not barbarians!

Triton: They're dangerous. Do you think I want to see my youngest daughter snared by some fish-eater's hook?

Ariel: I'm sixteen years old - I'm not a child anymore -

Triton: Don't you take that tone of voice with me young lady. As long as you live under my ocean, you'll obey my rules!

Ariel: But if you would just listen -

Triton: Not another word - and I am never, NEVER to hear of you going to the surface again. Is that clear? (Ariel leaves, crying.)

Sebastian: Hm! Teenagers. . . . They think they know everything. You give them an inch, they swim all over you.

Triton: Do you, er, think I - I was too hard on her?

Sebastian: Definitely not. Why, if Ariel was my daughter, I'd show her who was boss. None of this "flitting to the surface" and other such nonsense. No, sir - I'd keep her under tight control.

Triton: You're absolutely right, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Of course.

Triton: Ariel needs constant supervision.

Sebastian: Constant.

Triton: Someone to watch over her - to keep her out of trouble.

Sebastian: All the time -

Triton: And YOU are just the crab to do it.

(Cut to Sebastian walking down corridor.)

Sebastian: How do I get myself into these situations? I should be writing symphonies - not tagging along after some headstrong teenager. (Sees Ariel and Flounder sneaking off and follows.) Hmm? What is that girl up to? (He barely makes it into cave and sees Ariel's collection.) Huh?

Flounder: Ariel, are you okay?

Ariel: If only I could make him understand. I just don't see things the way he does. I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things - could be bad.



Look at this stuff

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who has ev'rything?

Look at this trove

Treasures untold

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

Lookin' around here you'd think

Sure, she's got everything



I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty

I've got whozits and whatzits galore

(You want thingamabobs?

I got twenty)

But who cares?

No big deal

I want more

I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see

Wanna see 'em dancin'

Walkin' around on those

(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet

Flippin' your fins you don't get too far

Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'

Strollin' along down a

(What's that word again?) street

Up where they walk

Up where they run

Up where they stay all day in the sun

Wanderin' free

Wish I could be

Part of that world



What would I give

If I could live

Outta these waters?

What would I pay

To spend a day

Warm on the sand?

Betcha on land

They understand

Bet they don't reprimand their daughters

Bright young women

Sick o' swimmin'

Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know

Ask 'em my questions

And get some answers

What's a fire and why does it

(What's the word?) burn?

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love

Love to explore that shore above?

Out of the sea

Wish I could be

Part of that world



(Sebastian has been struggling around and now comes crashing down making a lot of noise.)

Ariel: Sebastian!?

Sebastian: Ariel - what, are you mad? How could you - what is all this?

Ariel: It, err, it's just my - collection. . . .

Sebastian: Oh. I see. Your collection. Hmmm. IF YOUR FATHER KNEW ABOUT THIS PLACE HE'D -

Flounder: You're not gonna tell him, are you?

Ariel: Oh, please, Sebastian, he would never understand.

Sebastian: Ariel. You're under a lot of pressure down here. Come with me, I'll take you home and get you something warm to drink. (A ship passes by overhead.)

Ariel: What do you suppose?. . .

Sebastian: Ariel? Ariel!

(On surface. Fireworks in the sky around ship. Ariel looks on, amazed. Sebastian and Flounder arrive.)

Sebastian: Ariel, what - what are you- jumpin' jellyfish! Ariel, Ariel! Please come back! (Ariel swims to ship and watches party until Max finds her.)

Eric: (Whistles.) Max, here boy. Hey, come on, mutt, whatcha doing, huh Max? Good boy. (Ariel sees him and is stricken.)

Scuttle: Hey there, sweetie! Quite a show, eh?

Ariel: Scuttle, be quiet! They'll hear you.

Scuttle: Oooh, I gotcha, I gotcha. We're being intrepidatious. WE'RE OUT TO DISCOVER! (Ariel grabs his beak.)

Ariel: I've never seen a human this close before. Oh - he's very handsome, isn't he?

Scuttle: (Looking at Max) I dunno, he looks kinda hairy and slobbery to me.

Ariel: Not that one - the one playing the snarfblat.

Grimsby: Silence! Silence! It is now my honour and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Eric with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.

Eric: Ah, Grimsby - y'old beanpole, you shouldn't have.

Grimsby: I know. Happy birthday, Eric! (Large, gaudy statue of Eric is revealed. Max growls.)

Eric: Gee, Grim. It's, err, it's, err - it's really somethin'. . . .

Grimsby: Yes, I commissioned it myself. Of course, I had hoped it would be a wedding present, but . . .

Eric: Come on, Grim, don't start. Look, you're not still sore because I didn't fall for the princess of Glauerhaven, are you?

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, it isn't me alone. The entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right girl.

Eric: Well, she's out there somewhere. I just - I just haven't found her yet.

Grimsby: Well, perhaps you haven't been looking hard enough.

Eric: Believe me, Grim, when I find her I'll know - without a doubt. It'll just - bam! - hit me - like lightning. (Lightning and thunder appear and the sky grows dark.)

Sailor: Hurricane a'commin'!! Stand fast! Secure the riggin'! (Storm hits.)

Scuttle: Whoa! The wind's all of a sudden on the move here. (He is blown away.) Oh! Ariel . . . (Ship crashes through storm. Lightning starts a fire. A rock looms ahead.)

Eric: Look out! . . . (Ship crashes and all are thrown overboard except Max.) Grim, hang on! (Sees Max.) Max! (Goes back to save him.) Jump Max! Come on boy, jump! You can do it Max. (He saves Max but is trapped on board.)

Grimsby: ERIC! (Ship explodes. Ariel finds Eric near drowning and pulls him away.)

(On beach. Ariel is sitting next to an unconscious Eric.)

Ariel: Is he - dead?

Scuttle: (Opens Eric's eyelid.) It's hard to say. (Puts his ear against Eric's foot.) Oh, I - I can't make out a heartbeat.

Ariel: No, look! He's breathing. He's so, beautiful.



What would I give

To live where you are?

What would I pay

To stay here beside you?

What would I do to see you

Smiling at me?

Where would we walk?

Where would we run?

If we could stay all day in the sun?

Just you and me

And I could be

Part of your world

(Sebastian and Flounder have washed up and are watching scene. Max and Grimsby approach. Ariel hurries away.)

Grimsby: Eric! Oh, Eric. You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don't you?

Eric: A girl - rescued me. . . . She was - singing . . . she had the most - beautiful voice.

Grimsby: Ah, Eric, I think you've swallowed a bit too much seawater. Off we go. Come on, Max.

Sebastian: We just gotta forget this whole thing ever happened. The sea king will never know. You won't tell him, I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece.

Ariel:

I don't know when

I don't know how

But I know something's starting right now

Watch and you'll see

Some day I'll be

Part of your world

(Flotsam and Jetsam appear. Fade to Ursula watching from her chamber.)

Ursula: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't stand it - it's too easy. The child is in love with a human. And not just any human - a prince! Her daddy'll LOVE that. King Triton's headstrong, lovesick girl would make a charming addition to my little garden.

(Fade to palace. Then sister's dressing room.)

Andrina: Ariel, dear, time to come out. You've been in there all morning.

(Ariel emerges, singing to herself.)

Atina: What is with her lately?

Ariel: Morning, Daddy. (Ariel swims off.)

Atina: Oh, she's got it bad.

Triton: What? What has she got?

Andrina: Isn't it obvious, Daddy? Ariel's in love.

Triton: Ariel? In love?

(Cut to Sebastian pacing on rock outside.)

Sebastian: O.K. So far, so good. I don't think the king knows. But it will not be easy keeping something like this a secret for long.

Ariel: (Picking petals off a flower) He loves me . . . hmmm, he loves me not. . . . He loves me! I knew it!

Sebastian: Ariel, stop talking crazy.

Ariel: I gotta see him again - tonight! Scuttle knows where he lives.

Sebastian: Ariel - please. Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?

Ariel: I'll swim up to his castle. Then Flounder will splash around to get his attention, and then with -

Sebastian: Down HERE is your home! Ariel - listen to me. The human world - it's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they got up there.



The seaweed is always greener

In somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there

But that is a big mistake

Just look at the world around you

Right here on the ocean floor

Such wonderful things surround you

What more is you lookin' for?



Under the sea

Under the sea

Darling it's better

Down where it's wetter

Take it from me

Up on the shore they work all day

Out in the sun they slave away

While we devotin'

Full time to floatin'

Under the sea

Down here all the fish is happy

As off through the waves they roll

The fish on the land ain't happy

They sad 'cause they in their bowl

But fish in the bowl is lucky

They in for a worser fate

One day when the boss get hungry

Guess who's gon' be on the plate

Under the sea

Under the sea

Nobody beat us

Fry us and eat us

In fricassee

We what the land folks loves to cook

Under the sea we off the hook

We got no troubles

Life is the bubbles

Under the sea

Under the sea

Since life is sweet here

We got the beat here

Naturally

Even the sturgeon an' the ray

They get the urge 'n' start to play

We got the spirit

You got to hear it

Under the sea

The newt play the flute

The carp play the harp

The plaice play the bass

And they soundin' sharp

The bass play the brass

The chub play the tub

The fluke is the duke of soul

(Yeah)

The ray he can play

The lings on the strings

The trout rockin' out

The blackfish she sings

The smelt and the sprat

They know where it's at

An' oh that blowfish blow

Under the sea

Under the sea

When the sardine

Begin the beguine

It's music to me

What do they got? A lot of sand

We got a hot crustacean band

Each little clam here

know how to jam here

Under the sea

Each little slug here

Cuttin' a rug here

Under the sea

Each little snail here

Know how to wail here

That's why it's hotter

Under the water

Ya we in luck here

Down in the muck here

Under the sea



(They discover that Ariel has left with Flounder.)

Ariel? Ariel? Oh . . . somebody's got to nail that girl's fins to the floor.

Seahorse: Sebastian! Sebastian, I've been looking all over for you. I've got an urgent message from the sea king.

Sebastian: The sea king?

Seahorse: He wants to see you right away - something about Ariel.

Sebastian: He knows!

(In palace throne room. Triton looking at flower.)

Triton: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be? (Notices Sebastian.) Come in, Sebastian.

Sebastian: (Sotto) I mustn't overreact. I must remain calm. (Five octaves higher than normal) Yes - (loco) yes, Your Majesty.

Triton: Now, Sebastian, I'm concerned about Ariel. Have you noticed she's been acting peculiar lately?

Sebastian: Peculiar?

Triton: You know, moaning about, daydreaming, singing to herself. . . . You haven't noticed, hmm?

Sebastian: Oh - well, I -

Triton: Sebastian. . . .

Sebastian: Hmmm?

Triton: I know you've been keeping something from me. . . .

Sebastian: Keeping . . . something?

Triton: About Ariel?

Sebastian: Ariel . . . ?

Triton: In love?

Sebastian: I tried to stop her, sir. She wouldn't listen. I told her to stay away from humans - they are bad, they are trouble, they -

Triton: Humans? WHAT ABOUT HUMANS?

Sebastian: Humans? Ho ho ho ho. . . . Who said anything about humans?

(Fade to Ariel and Flounder entering cave.)

Ariel: Flounder, why can't you just tell me what this is all about?

Flounder: You'll see. It's a suprise.

Ariel: (Sees statue of Eric.) Oh, Flounder- Flounder you're the best! it looks just like him. It even has his eyes. "Why, Eric, run away with you? This is all so - so sudden. . . . (Turns around and sees Triton.) Daddy! . . .

Triton: I consider myself a reasonable merman. I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed.

Ariel: But Daddy!-

Triton: Is it true you rescued a human from drowing?

Ariel: Daddy, I had to-

Triton: Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!

Ariel: He would have died-

Triton: One less human to worry about!

Ariel: You don't even know him.

Triton: Know him? I don't have to know him. They're all the same. Spineless, savage, harpooning, fish-eaters, incapable of any feeling-

Ariel: Daddy, I love him!

Triton: No . . . Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!

Ariel: I don't care.

Triton: So help me Ariel, I am going to get through to you. And if this is the only way, so be it. (Begins to blast the artifacts with his trident.)

Ariel: Daddy!. . . No . . . No, please- Daddy, stop!. . . Daddy, Nooo!!. . .

(He blasts statue. Ariel begins crying and he leaves, ashamed.)

Sebastian: Ariel, I . . .

Ariel: (Still crying.) Just go away. (He leaves and Flotsan and Jetsam appear.)

Flotsam: Poor child.

Jetsam: Poor, sweet child.

Flotsam: She has a very serious problem

Jetsam: If only there were something we could do.

Flotsam: But there is something.

Ariel: Who - who are you?

Jetsam: Don't be scared.

Flotsam: We represent someone who can help you.

Jetsam: Someone who could make all your dreams come true.

Flotsam and Jetsam: Just imagine -

Jetsam: You and your prince -

Flotsam and Jetsam: Together, forever. . . .

Ariel: I don't understand.

Jetsam: Ursula has great powers

Ariel: The sea witch? Why, that's - I couldn't possibly - no! Get out of here! Leave me alone!

Flotsam: Suit yourself.

Jetsam: It was only a suggestion.

[Jetsam flicks the statue's broken face towards Ariel.]

Ariel: [Looking at the face] Wait.

Flotsam and Jetsam: Yeeeeeeeeeess?

(Cut to outside of cave with Flounder and Sebastian.)

Flounder: (snif) Poor Ariel.

Sebastian: I didn't mean to tell, it was an accident. (Ariel passes by.) Ariel - where are you going? Ariel, what are you doing here with this riff-raff?

Ariel: I'm going to see Ursula.

Sebastian: Ariel, no! No, she's a demon, she's a monster!

Ariel: Why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that.

Sebastian: But . . . But, I . . . (To Flounder.) Come on. (They travel towards Ursula's cavern.)

Flotsam and Jetsam: This way. (Ariel enters and is hung up in the garden of souls.)

Ursula: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing. . . . Now, then. You're here because you have a thing for this human. This, er, prince fellow. Not that I blame you - he is quite a catch, isn't he? Well, angel fish, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want - is to become a human yourself.

Ariel: Can you DO that?

Ursula: My dear, sweet child. That's what I do - it's what I live for. To help unfortunate merfolk - like yourself. Poor souls with no one else to turn to.



I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light and made a switch

True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh

I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely and depressed

(Pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls

In pain

In need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad

So true

They come flocking to my cauldron

Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"

And I help them?

Yes, I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

e="3">Yes, I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls



Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days. Got that? Three days. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you. Not just any kiss - the kiss of true love. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you'll remain human, permanently, but - if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and - you belong to me.

Sebastian: No Ariel! (He is silenced by Flotsam and Jetsam.)

Ursula: Have we got a deal?

Ariel: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.

Ursula: That's right. . . . But - you'll have your man. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh - and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know.

Ariel: But I don't have any -

Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is . . . your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

Ursula: You've got it, sweetcakes. No more talking, singing, zip.

Ariel: But without my voice, how can I -

Ursula: You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!



The men up there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a girl who gossips is a bore

Yes, on land it's much preferred

For ladies not to say a word

And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?



Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation

True gentlemen avoid it when they can

But they dote and swoon and fawn

On a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

Come on, you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy woman

And I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad

But true

If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet

You've got to pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll!

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've gother, boys

The boss is on a roll

This poor unfortunate soul.



(Ariel signs contract.)

Paluga, sarruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea.

Now rings us glossitis and max laryngitis,

La voce to me!

Now . . . sing!

Ariel: (Sings.)

Ursula: Keep singing! (Giant magical hands rip out Ariel's voice and give it to

Ursula. She laughs as Ariel is changed into a human and rushed to the surface by Flounder and Sebastian.)

(Fade to beach. Eric and Max are walking near castle.)

Eric: (Playing flute.) That voice. I can't get it out of my head. I've looked everywhere, Max - where could she be? (On other side of rocks Ariel is washed up. Sebastian and Flounder are exausted. Ariel sees her legs and is amazed.)

Scuttle: Well, look at what the catfish dragged in! Look at ya! Look at ya! There's something different. Don't tell me - I got it. It's your hairdo, right? You've been using the dinglehopper, right? No? No huh, well let me see. New . . . seashells? No new seashells. I gotta admit I can't put my foot on it right now, but if I just stand here long enough I know that I'll -

Sebastian: SHE'S GOT LEGS, YOU IDIOT! She traded her voice to the sea witch and got legs. Jeez, man . . .

Scuttle: I knew that.

Flounder: Ariel's been turned into a human. She's gotta make the prince fall in love with her, and he's gotta ki- he's gotta kiss her. (Ariel tries to get up.)

Sebastian: And she's only got three days. Just look at her. On legs. On human legs! My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father'd say, he'd say he's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'd say! I'm gonna march meself straight home right now and tell him just like I shoulda done de minute- (Ariel grabs him.) . . . and don't you shake your head at me, young lady. Maybe there's still time. If we could get that witch to give you back your voice, you could go home with all the normal fish, and just be . . . just be . . . just be miserable for the rest of your life. All right, all right. I'll try to help you find that prince. Boy. What a soft-shell I'm turning out to be.

Scuttle: Now, Ariel, I'm tellin' ya, if you wanna be a human the first thing you gotta do is dress like one. Now lemme see.

(Cut to Eric and Max. Max smells Ariel and gets excited.)

Eric: Max? Huh . . . what, Max!

Scuttle: (Whistles.) Ya look great kid. Ya look - sensational. (They hear Max. He arrives and chases Ariel up on a rock.)

Eric: Max . . . Max - Quiet Max! What's gotten into you fella? (Sees Ariel.) Oh . . . Oh, I see. Are you O.K., miss? I'm sorry if this knucklehead scared you. He's harmless, really - . . . you . . . seem very familiar . . . to me. Have we met? We have met? I knew it! You're the one - the one I've been looking for! What's your name? (Ariel mouths "Ariel" but no words come out.) What's wrong? What is it? You can't speak? (Ariel shakes her head.) Oh. Then you couldn't be who I thought. (Ariel and Max look frustrated. She tries pantomime.) What is it? You're hurt? No, No . . . You need help. (She falls into him.) Whoa, whoa, careful - careful - easy. Gee, you must have really been through something. Don't worry, I'll help you. Come on . . . Come on, you'll be okay.

(Fade to Ariel in bath playing with bubbles.)

Carlotta: Washed up from a shipwreck. Oh, the poor thing. We'll have you feeling better in no time. [Picks up Ariel's "dress"] I'll just - I'll just get this washed for you.

(Cut to Sebastian in dress getting washed.)

Woman 1: Well you must have at least heard about this girl.

Woman 2: Well, Gretchen says . . . (Sebastian is dunked.) . . . since when has Gretchen got anything right. I mean really, this girl shows up in rags and doesn't speak-

Sebastian: Madame, please ! . . .

Woman 2: . . . not my idea of a princess. If Eric's looking for a girl, I know a couple of highly available ones right here . . . (Sebastian dives into kitchen and sees various fish cooking. He faints.)

(Cut to castle dining room.)

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, be reasonable. Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -

Eric: I'm tellin' you, Grim, she was REAL! I'm gonna find that girl - and I'm gonna marry her.

Carlotta: Ha Ha. Come on honey. Don't be shy. (Ariel enteres in a beautiful dress.)

Grimsby: Oh, Eric, isn't she a vision?

Eric: You look - wonderful.

Grimsby: Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy? Uh. It's - It's not ofen that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh Eric? (Ariel starts combing hair with a fork. They look dumbfounded and she is embarrased. She sees pipe and brightens.) Uh, do you like it? It is rather - fine . . . (She blows its contents into his face. Eric laughs.)

Carlotta: Oh, my!

Eric: Ahem, so sorry Grim.

Carlotta: Why, Eric, that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks.

Grimsby: (Wiping his face.) Oh, very amusing. Carlotta, my dear, what's for dinner?

Carlotta: Oooh, you're gonna love it. Chef's been fixing his specialty, stuffed crab.

(Cut to Sebastian watching Louis cook. He is humming to himself.)

Louis:

Les poissons

Les poissons

How I love les poissons

Love to chop

And to serve little fish

First I cut off their heads

Then I pull out the bones

Ah mais oui

Ca c'est toujours delish

Les poissons

Les poissons

Hee hee hee

Hah hah hah

With the cleaver I hack them in two

I pull out what's inside

And I serve it up fried

God, I love little fishes

Don't you?

Here's something for tempting the palate

Prepared in the classic technique

First you pound the fish flat with a mallet

Then you slash through the skin

Give the belly a slice

Then you rub some salt in

'Cause that makes it taste nice

Zut alors, I have missed one!



Sacre bleu

What is this?

How on earth could I miss

Such a sweet little succulent crab?

Quel dommage

What a loss

Here we go in the sauce

Now some flour, I think

Just a dab

Now I stuff you with bread

It don't hurt 'cause you're dead

And you're certainly lucky you are

'Cause it's gonna be hot

In my big silver pot

Toodle loo mon poisson

Au revoir!



(Sebastian hops back and Louis grabs him again.) What is this? (Sebastian pinches his nose and a battle ensues. Louis knocks over a large cabinet.)

(Cut to dining room. Huge crash is heard.)

Carlotta: I think I'd better go see what Louis is up to.

(Back to kitchen. Louis is trashing the place.)

Louis: Come out you little pipsqueak and fight like a man!

Carlotta: Louis! What are you doing?

Louis: Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, madame.

(Cut back to dining room.)

Grimsby: You know, Eric, perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?

Eric: I'm sorry, Grim, what was that?

Grimsby: You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. (Grimsby lifts his plate's cover to reveal Sebastian cowering in the salad.) Get your mind off -

Eric: Easy, Grim, Easy. (Ariel lifts her own plate cover and signals for Sebastian to hide there. Sebastian rushes across while no one is looking.)

It's not a bad idea. If she's interested. Well - whaddaya say? Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?

(Ariel nods vigorously, leaning heavily on her plate's cover.)

Grimsby: Wonderful, now let's eat, before this crab wanders off my plate.

(Fade to Ariel watching Eric and Max from balcony.)

Eric: Come here boy! . . . Arrr . . . (He sees Ariel and waves. She is embarassed and goes back inside.)

Sebastian: This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life. I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady. Now - we got to make a plan to get that boy to kiss you. Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best. You gotta bat your eyes - like this. You gotta pucker up your lips - like this. (He sees she is asleep.) Hm. You are hopeless child. You know dat? Completely hopeless . . .

(Fade to undersea palace. Seahorse swims up to Triton.)

Triton: Any sign of them?

Seahorse: No, Your Majesty. We've searched everywhere. We've found no trace of your daughter - or Sebastian.

Triton: Well, keep looking. Leave no shell unturned, no coral unexplored. Let no one in this kingdom sleep until she's safe at home.

Seahorse: Yes sire. (He leaves.)

Triton: Oh, what have I done? What have I done?

(Morning at castle. Ariel and Eric leave for their tour. Ariel is amazed by everything.)

Flounder: (As they pass water.) Has he kissed her yet?

Sebastian: Not yet.

Flounder: Ohh . . . (Ariel and Eric go dancing and see the town.)

Scuttle: Yo, Flounder! Any kissing?

Flounder: No, not yet.

Scuttle: Hmm. Well they - they better get crackin'. (They leave town and Ariel drives, almost crashing. They end up rowing on a still lagoon in the evening.)

Flounder: Move over - move your big feathers. I can't see a thing.

Scuttle: Nothing is happening. . . . Only one day left, and that boy ain't puckered up once. O.K. All right, this calls for a little vocal romantic stimulation. Stand back. (He flies over and sings very badly.)

Eric: Wow. Somebody should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery.

Sebastian: Jeez, man, I'm surrounded by amateurs! You want something done, you've got to do it yourself. First, we got to create the mood. Percussion. . . . Strings. . . . Winds. . . . Words. . . .



There you see her

Sitting there across the way

She don't got a lot to say

But there's something about her

And you don't know why

But you're dying to try

You wanna kiss the girl



Eric: Did you hear something?

Sebastian:

Yes, you want her

Look at her, you know you do

Possible she wants you too

There is one way to ask her

It don't take a word

Not a single word

Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

My oh my

Look like the boy too shy

Ain't gonna kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Ain't that sad?

Ain't it a shame?

Too bad, he gonna miss the girl



Eric: You know, I feel really bad not knowing your name. Heh - maybe I could guess. Is it, err, Mildred? O.K., no. How 'bout - Diana? Rachel?

Sebastian: Ariel. Her name is Ariel.

Eric: Ariel? Ariel? Well, that's kinda pretty. O.K. - Ariel. . .

Sebastian:

Now's your moment

Floating in a blue lagoon

Boy you better do it soon

No time will be better

She don't say a word

And she won't say a word

Until you kiss the girl



Sha la la la la la

Don't be scared

You got the mood prepared

Go on and kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Don't stop now

Don't try to hide it how

You want to kiss the girl

Sha la la la la la

Float along

And listen to the song

The song say kiss the girl

Sha la la la la

The music play

Do what the music say

You got to kiss the girl

You've got to kiss the girl

You wanna kiss the girl

You've gotta kiss the girl

Go on and kiss the girl



(The boat tips over.)

Eric: Whoa, hang on - I've gotcha. (Flotsam and Jetsam congradulate each other.)

(Cut to Ursula's cavern.)

Ursula: Nice work, boys. That was a close one. Too close. The little tramp! Oh, she's better than I thought. At this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset for sure. Well, it's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles! Triton's daughter will be mine - and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! (Laughing, she transforms into a human with Ariel's voice.)

(Fade to castle at night. Eric is playing the flute and contemplating as Grimsby approaches.)

Grimsby: Eric, if I may say, far better than any dream girl, is one of flesh and blood, one warm and caring, and right before your eyes. (He sees Ariel, sighs, and tosses away flute. He is distracted by Ursula/Vanessa singing with Ariel's voice and is placed under her spell.)

(Scuttle flying toward castle in morning.)

Scuttle: Ariel! Ariel, wake up! Wake up! I just heard the news. Congratulations, kiddo, we did it!

Sebastian: What is this idiot babbling about?

Scuttle: Right - as if you two didn't know, uh? The whole town's buzzin' about the prince gettin' himself hitched this afternoon! You know, he's getting married! You silly sidewalker! I just wanted to wish you luck. I'll catch you later, I wouldn't miss it! (Ariel brightens and runs downstairs, only to see Eric and Vanessa together.)

Grimsby: Well, uh - err, Eric. I-it appears that I was mistaken. This mystery maiden of yours does - in fact exist. And - and she is lovely. Congratulations, my dear.

Eric: We wish to be married as soon as possible.

Grimsby: Oh, yes - of course, Eric, but, er - but these things do take time, you know. . . .

Eric: This afternoon, Grimsby. The wedding ship departs at sunset.

Grimsby: Oh, oh - very well, Eric - as you wish. (Ariel runs off crying.)

(Cut to late afternoon as wedding ship starts to leave. Ariel on pier crying bitterly as Sebastian and Flounder look on.)

(Cut to Scuttle flying and humming to himself.)

Vanessa: What a lovely little bride I'll make, my dear I'll look divine

Things are working out according to my ultimate design

Soon I'll have that little mermaid and the ocean will be mine!

Scuttle: (Seeing real Ursula in mirror.) The sea witch! Oh no . . . She's-

I gotta. . . (Runs into side of ship. Flies off to find Ariel.) Ariel!

Ariel! Ariel. I was flying, I wa - of course I was flying - An' - I s- I

saw that the watch - the witch was watchin' a mirror, and she was singin'

with a stolen set o' pipes! Do you hear what I'm tellin' you? THE PRINCE

IS MARRYING THE SEA WITCH IN DISGUISE!

Sebastian: Are you sure about this?

Scuttle: Have I ever been wrong? I mean when it's important!

Flounder: What are we gonna do!? (Ariel hears Ursula's voice in her head as the

sun drops.)

Ursula: . . . Before the sun sets on the third day. . . . (Ariel jumps in water

but can't swim well. Sebastian sends down some barrels.)

Sebastian: Ariel, grab on to that. Flounder, get her to that boat as fast as

your fins can carry you!

Flounder: I'll try.

Sebastian: I've gotta get to the sea king. He must know about this.

Scuttle: What - What about me? What about ME?

Sebastian: You - find a way to STALL THAT WEDDING!

Scuttle: Stall the wedding. Wh- what am I - what - that's it! (He flies off to

rally the animals and fish.) Move it, let's go, we got an emergency here!



(Cut to wedding in progress. Max growls at Vanessa but she kicks him.)



Priest: Dearly beloved . . . (Flounder is pulling Ariel toward ship.)

Flounder: Don't worry Ariel. ugh - we - we're gonna make it. We're almost

there.

Priest: Yes, um, do you Eric, take Vanessa, to be your lawfully wedded wife,

for as long as you both shall live?

Eric: (Under spell.) I do.

Priest: Eh, and do you . . . (Birds and animals swoop in for attack, causing

great chaos.) . . . then by the power inves-

Vanessa: Get away from me you slimy little- Oh, why you little- (In the

struggle, the shell holding Ariel's voice it broken and it goes back to her.

Eric comes out of the spell as she sings.)

Eric: Ariel?

Ariel: Eric.

Eric: You - you can talk. You're the one.

Vanessa: Eric, get away from her!

Eric: It - it was you all the time.

Ariel: Oh, Eric, I - I wanted to tell you.

Vanessa: ERIC NO! (The sun sets and Ariel becomes a mermaid.)

Ursula: You're too late! You're too late! So long, loverboy.

Eric: Ariel! (Ursula and Ariel go overboard.)

Ursula: Poor little princess - it's not you I'm after. I've a much bigger fish

to -

Triton: Ursula, stop!

Ursula: Why, King Triton! Ha ha ha - How ARE you?

Triton: Let her go.

Ursula: Not a chance, Triton! She's mine now. We made a deal.

Ariel: Daddy, I'm sorry! I - I - I didn't mean to. I didn't know -

(Triton attacks the contract with a fierce blast from his trident, to no

avail.)

Ursula: You see? The contract's legal, binding and completely unbreakable -

even for YOU. Of course, I always was a girl with an eye for a bargain.

The daughter of the great sea king is a very precious commodity. But - I

might be willing to make an exchange for someone even better. . . .



(Cut to Eric rowing away from ship.)



Grimsby: Eric! What are you doing?

Eric: Grim, I lost her once. I'm not going to lose her again.



(Back to Ursula and Triton.)



Ursula: Now! Do we have a deal? (Triton signs contract.) Ha! It's done then.

(Ariel is released and Triton is withered as Ursula laughs.)

Ariel: No . . . Oh, No!

Sebastian: Oh, your majesty . . .

Ariel: Daddy? . . .

Ursula: (Picks up crown.) At last, it's mine. Ho, Ho . . .

Ariel: You - You monster!

Ursula: Don't fool with me you little brat! Contract or no- AAAAHH! (She is hit

with a harpoon thrown by Eric.) Why you little troll!

Ariel: Eric! Eric look out!

Ursula: After him! (Flotsam and Jetsam attack.)

Sebastian: Come on! . . .

Ursula: Say goodbye to your sweetheart. (Ariel makes her miss Eric and blast

Flotsam and Jetsam.) Babies! My poor, little poopsies!



(On surface as Ursula grows beneath.)



Ariel: Eric, you've got to get away from here.

Eric: No, I won't leave you.

Ursula: (Now very large.) You pitiful, insignificant, fool!

Eric: Look out!

Ursula: Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim!

The sea and all its spoils bow to my power! (She wrecks havoc, creates a

whirlpool and raises some shipwrecks.)

Ariel: ERIC! (He gets on board one of the ships as Ariel falls to the bottom

of the whirlpool. Ursula attempts to blast her.)

Ursula: (Laughing wickedly.) So much for true love! (As Ursula is about to

finish Ariel, Eric steers the ship into her. She is impaled and dies most

horribly. Eric collapses on the shore. The trident falls back to Triton and

everything reverts to normal.)



(Fade to morning with Eric on beach and Ariel watching from a distance.

Triton and Sebastian look on.)



Triton: She really does love him, doesn't she, Sebastian?

Sebastian: Well, it's like I always say, Your Majesty. Children got to be free

to lead their own lives.

Triton: You - always say that? (sighs) Then I guess there's just one problem

left.

Sebastian: And what's that, Your Majesty?

Triton: How much I'm going to miss her. (He turns her into a human and she goes

to meet Eric. They kiss which fades into kiss on wedding day. Everyone is

happy. Sebastian is attacked by Louis. He beats Louis up and returns to the

sea.)

Sebastian: Yes, Thank you, thank you. (Ariel and Triton hug.)

Ariel: I love you Daddy.



(Big finale while "Part of Your World" music plays. Ship sails off as

Ariel and Eric kiss.)



All: Now we can walk,

Now we can run,

Now we can stay all day in the sun.

Just you and me,

And I can be,

Part of your world.

THE END
ARIEL KATHRYN
Hyrule Warriors + Scenery

(Source: always-picks-rouge)

(Source: skunkbear)

Kanaya Maryam, a glammin’ slammin’ alien vampire lesbian who slays her enemies with a chainsaw and part time fashion designer

ikimaru:

who needs pants anyway

ikimaru:

who needs pants anyway

sweetdreamshillary:

rb-modblog:

tenfootpolesociety:

FACT: When an asexual and a pansexual touch each other, skin to skin, their bodies merge into an all-powerful immortal being and they become a new god.

image

GUYS IT WORKED BUT NOW I HAVE NO THUMBS

this was a terrible idea we already regret what we have done

look at my kanynas! lines + crappy computer coloring

once i color her irl i’ll probs post that if it doesn’t suck

tandembicycles whispered:
im gonna send you male and female characters, is that okay? c: mukuro ikusaba, levi, and kakashi

mukuro as my sister because she needs one that isn’t batshit, levi as my husband, and that leaves kakashi as my bestie

cuhelski:

Eevee commission for a facebook user

cuhelski:

Eevee commission for a facebook user

arcaneins:

Friend: calm your tits

Me: no
image

mukuro--ikusaba whispered:
naruto frankenstein bad guy whose name might start with a 'h', bucky, and connie from snk

asexualsteverogers:

"Naruto Frankenstein bad guy" … Kakuzu? This guy?

If so, then:

Husband: Kakuzu

Best Friend: James Bucannan “Bucky” Barnes

Brother: Connie Springer

Husband, Best Friend, Brother: Send me three names!

tokensthearcadepony:

carrotcatmd:

STORY:On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.The following conversation occurs between the two of them:Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ Manager: ‘No. A what?’ Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.Do you have anything else?’ Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? Server: ‘I don’t know.’ Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ Server: ‘Yeah.’ Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ Server: ‘What should I do?’ Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ Me: ‘Why not?’ Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ Me: ‘Excuse me?’ Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ Me: ‘What on earth for?’ Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ Me: ‘No.’ Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ Guard: ‘Yeah.’Security Guard walks over to me and……Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ Me: ‘Uh, no.’ Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ Me: ‘Why?’ Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 


There actually are people who don’t know that $2 bills exist? Like full grown adults? Damn…..

tokensthearcadepony:

carrotcatmd:

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. 

I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. 

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ 
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. 
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.

The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ 
Manager: ‘No. A what?’ 
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ 
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ 

He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.

Do you have anything else?’ 

Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? 
Server: ‘I don’t know.’ 
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah.’ 
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ 
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ 

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. 
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ 
Server: ‘What should I do?’ 
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ 
Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ 
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ 
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. 

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ 
Me: ‘Why not?’ 
Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ 
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ 
Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘Excuse me?’ 
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘What on earth for?’ 
Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ 
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ 
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ 
Me: ‘No.’ 
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ 
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ 

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. 

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ 
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ 
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ 
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ 
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ 
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ 
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ 
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah.’


Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ 
Me: ‘Uh, no.’ 
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ 
Me: ‘Why?’ 
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ 

At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 

Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ 
Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ 
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ 
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ 
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ 

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

There actually are people who don’t know that $2 bills exist? Like full grown adults? Damn…..

ewelock:

dean-tacos-cas:

spookapple:

jackvessalius:

image

image

image

look what we have here

i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life

I sat here until my eyes glazed over and then was thinking ‘this is so dumb its just three wells’ and then

Send me the names of 3 men and I’ll tell you who I want as my 

  • Husband
  • Bestfriend
  • Brother

(Source: baekmints)

thecutestofthecute:

This is probably the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes upon. Ohh my god.